I know I speak for a silent and concerned minority
who staunchly avoid high rankings in the search engines.
No words are more frightening than, "Get your site
to the top of Google!" No thanks. This article is chock
full of techniques you can use to dive bomb your chances
at solid rankings. I mean, who needs it. Rankings equal
traffic to my web site, and frankly, that sounds like
a hassle.
Avoid Keyword Analysis At All Costs
Here is the first tactic avoid: Keyword Analysis. It involves carefully choosing
a set up of high traffic yet low competition words and phrases you want to
rank well for. It is a sure fire way to establish a search engine optimization
plan and for that reason I cry, "Stay Clear!" Do not use web site tools like www.WordTracker.com or www.KeywordDiscovery.com to
help you find these phrases. People who waste time on this stupidly brainstorm
a list of phrases they think their audience is searching on. Bah! All that
comes of such silliness is a foundation for later SEO steps. So don't think
like your audience and stay clear of listing out the words and phrases. It
will only improve your rankings later on (as if you need that freakin' hassle).
User "Unfriendly" web sites
If you are unlucky enough to have people find your site through Google and
the like, a sure fire way to brush them off your site like Cheeto dust off
a bowling shirt is to make it a pain in the butt to use. I have lots of ideas
here, and trust me, they will get folks scrambling for the exit door of your
site in mere seconds.
- Create gobs of rambling content that is of no use
to your audience. If you take the time to understand
people's issues and try to solve them, your site
will only serve to fill a need and that is not how
I built my reputation as a lazy geek. Big thick paragraphs
of rambling sales speak; that's the ticket to blessedly
low rankings.
- Put up solid road blocks on your site. Who says
web sites need to be easy to use! Hell, not me. Carefully
sculpt a navigation menu and hierarchy that baffles
people. Don't group things together in ways folks
can understand. My own favorite is to leave off breadcrumbs
on the pages. So when a person lands on a lower level
page from the search engines, they have no clue where
they are in your site hierarchy. I have created sites
that annoy people in under six seconds. Good luck
beating that.
- Don't let phrases people search on show up in your
site content. Google and its' ilk try to match what
people search on with web sites that use the phrase
within their content. If you strive, as I do, for
the lowest rankings possible, please don't place
those phrases in your HTML Meta descriptions, page
titles, within paragraph headings, and above all
don't sprinkle the phrases within the paragraphs
of your content. That's a sure fire way to direct
pesky traffic to your site.
I have touched on just a few helpful ways you can
affectively hide your site from search engines users.
Stay tuned for more ways to enhance your quiet, profit-free
existence. If it were up to me, I would get rid of
search engines entirely. Who needs them!
Paul Kaufman
President
Pitch Perfect Marketing
